Three years ago, one of the most painful situations that I have ever experienced occurred in my life. I won't go into it now. Maybe another time. The important thing I want to express here now is that I have come full circle...run the gamut, as it were, of emotions concerning the situation.
In the beginning I was so ripped apart that I pretty much promised myself that I would never dream again. I was just going to live my life one day at a time and not think about the future. I am a Christian...born again, Holy Spirit filled...and I knew that only one thing mattered about the future: that I live my life in such a way that I would please God and spend eternity with Him in His beautiful Heaven. The Apostle Paul was given the privilege of making a short visit there once and allowed to come back and tell us that there were things about it that there were actually no words for...there was no way to describe to us what he saw, it was so wonderful. That's what I'm looking forward to, and that's what I had my eyes on at the time...and that's pretty much ALL I had my eyes on. Thinking about anything here on earth in the way of hopes for the future or dreams of the future was out. I would just live my life one day at a time and go to Heaven at the end of it all.
Since then God has healed my heart and my life and brought me full circle. I actually dream again. "I dream of travels to make, roads to take, and wonderful, beautiful movies to make. I dream of conquering sin, poems to pen, and precious and drifting souls to win."
On September 30, October 1, and October 2, 2007, our church had a thing we called "Seeking Revival." We called it that because you can't just say, "We're going to have revival," because you really don't know whether you're going to experience revival or not. Many times we had "revivals" that were "planned" when I was a child. I never saw anything different come of it, maybe it did and I missed it, but I don't think so. You can hope for revival, as we recently did, and you can pray for revival, as we did; but unless the people desire it, unless the Holy Spirit is welcome, I just don't see that it's gonna happen.
Well, it did for us. And on the last night the visiting preacher said that there was someone in the congregation that was hurting, someone that he had sat in his pew and wept for just before he got up to preach. He asked that person to come down so that he could pray for him or her. He knew who the person was, and he said that the person knew, too. I just knew it was me, but I waited just in case it wasn't. No one moved. I didn't want to miss my blessing, so I stood up to walk down the aisle...so did two other people!
When we got to the preacher, he prayed first for the man, then he turned to me and said that what the canker worm had eaten would be restored. I knew what he meant. Then he prayed for me and spoke in tongues. I fell out on the floor! While I was laying there he began to talk with the other woman (the one he'd had in mind in the first place)...and practically everything he said to her was for me! I was renewed right there...on that floor. When I stood up and took my seat, the animosity I had felt toward those who had sinned against me had been replaced with pity for them.
Later my good friend turned to me and told me that she had the interpretation for the tongue that had been spoken to me. It was: "I will give you what you desire my child. Delight yourself in me. Trust also in me, and I will give you the desires of your heart. Peace, be still. Rest in me."
Now, I don't care whether you believe in that sort of thing or not (actually, I do because it's such a blessing and I want you to be blessed...but that's up to you,) but whether you do or not doesn't negate the fact that it happened to me, and you can't take that away from me. The peace that has been afforded me since that night is unbelievable. I still pray for those people and the people who are still under their influence. They are pitiful.
I have been delivered and I can dream again. Praise God!
May He bless you and yours.
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