Zaxby's Fries

I know this has absolutely no importance at all in the grand scheme of things, but sometimes you just have to do a little something fun, ya know? And this time the fun thing to do is talk about fries. Whether you call them Freedom Fries or French Fries doesn't matter. For the sake of the "fun" theme, let's just call them "fries." Heck, most folks do anyway.

Kudos to Zaxby's (that is a weird use of three weird letters of the alphabet right there, I don't care who ya are) for serving good old-fashioned crinkle cuts! They are without a doubt my absolute favorite. I have no idea why...they just are. And I will admit that I like them better a little limp and greasy, not crunchy. Again, I have no idea why. I CAN tell you, though, why some other varieties are NOT my favorite.

Take the shoestring variety...please. They certainly live up to their name minus the limpness of a shoestring. I suppose they are more like a shoestring that was dunked in starch and left to dry. Stiff. Hard. Cold in seconds. More like long, skinny potato chips. If I want potato chips, I won't ask for fries...I'll ask for potato chips. The English have properly named these. I.E.--Fish and chips

Then there's cottage fries...and it depends on whose cottage (or restaurant) is serving them. Sometimes they're long and thick, sometimes round and thick...or thin. I don't trust a menu that says "cottage fries" for that very reason...you can't really know what to expect them to look like. I have had some success in the past with cottage fries, but who really wants to take the chance, ya know?

Of course, one can't write a review on fries if one doesn't mention steak fries. You can usually trust them to be long, a bit thick, and not overdone. I can go with these if you're not going to offer me crinkle cuts.

Since my palate is a bit sensitive to highly seasoned foods (don't offer to take me to Taco Bell or anywhere else Latin flavored) or even unhighly seasoned foods...just mildly seasoned foods...I am very skeptical when the menu mentions "seasoned fries." Seasoned? With what? Basil? Dill? Rosemary? No. It usually means CAYENNE PEPPER or some other tiny red sprinkled thing, paprika notwithstanding. My tongue cringes at the mention of anyone's chili except mine. My nose runs when I eat chili that so much as PASSED BY the spice rack on the way to my table.

If you have a new contraption...maybe from Ron Popeil...that slices, dices, and juliennes, I will be nice and try the fries that you have made from a real spud in your real kitchen with your real hands with your real new contraption and your real grease...even though it's not a crinkle cut. You get points because it was a real potato and you really cooked it. Now if your new contraption has a blade that makes crinkle cuts, we are true friends!

If I have offended you by dissing your favorite fry or have committed a faux pas by failing to mention another fry variety, well, I'm sorry. You will just have to forgive me and move on. As I said earlier, this was just for fun. Gimme a break.

It would be fun (again the theme today is "fun") if you let me know of some places other than Zaxby's that serve crinkle cuts. Okay...the floor is yours!